thank you

Lots of people this year think about what they're thankful for, and I'm no different. add me to the pile. in fact, I'm happy about probably the same thing a lot of other people are. but they don't know the people I know, so it's still special.

I'm not as stubborn or motivated as I used to be, and I'm working on getting that back because I feel like part of me is gone without it. That nagging feeling that says you should get up and do something? That's been gone for so long. I have wasted a lot of time.

I have a big family and I already know that all of us have lots of different interests but I have also learned (especially since coming to live with someone who is not my family, not yet anyway, but knows it well) that all of us have a similar vein. I found that it's much stronger than I thought. They care. a lot. more than their job, in some cases. We're just not that vocal. I take my family saying nothing to mean that they don't really care that much, and that they do things for me or say nice things because they feel like they have to and not necessarily because they want to help me or make me feel good.

In fact, I don't really even believe a whole lot of people when they say nice things, but when they offer criticism, I take it straight to heart. How did I get so messed up? I think I've surrounded myself with the kind of people where a great many of them mean what they say, or they wouldn't say it...and yet I deflect pretty much everything but the criticism they give me.

I'm happy that I have so many people who are willing to support me even if I'm being difficult, or don't completely believe what they say about me. Without them I would be in a cardboard box on the street. I'm glad for the friends I have that don't give up on me when I'm being stupid. There are more people looking out for me and interested in knowing how I'm doing than I thought there were. they are all people that are important to me.

if I can ever return the favor, let me know.

in terms of the holiday feast, I am excited. Jenny is brining the turkey (basically soaking it in a mixture of salt water and spices for a whole day) and making most of the food, and it will be different from my mom's, so I'll get to try some new things! I made a pumpkin pie a couple of hours ago, and squash soup yesterday (it's so thick it turned out more like pudding...), but that will probably be the extent of my cooking because she wants to do it herself. Zach is happy as long as he gets food. We'll make him peel potatoes or something. :D