I'm ready.

emotionally ready to go to Seattle, that is. Living with my parents is all fine and good for a while, but I have come to the conclusion that they really don't communicate what they expect from me very well at all. Take yesterday's conversation with my mother. I come downstairs after waking up and getting ready for the day, get the mail, and the first thing my mom asks me is why I didn't wash the dishes. Was I asked to do them? no. She then proceeds to tell me I need to help her out more around the house, and that she has a job and I don't so I should do some more cleaning around here. When I'm confronted in that way and I don't know what to say I revert to dealing with anger how I did as a teenager but holding as much back as I can. Normally I just want to walk away, which pisses her off even more and she assumes I'm avoiding the situation. I'm just trying to keep myself from doing something childish. Unfortunately, walking away is not seen as the adult thing to do in her eyes and she tells me I need to grow up and act like an adult. Usually when I'm alone with the other person's concerns, I can process them objectively, separate them from the anger and come back to talk to them calmly about it. Problem? it takes time. especially when you just throw them at me without sitting me down LIKE AN ADULT and tell me that these things are a concern.

Guess what, mom. If you don't TELL me that's what you want, how am I supposed to know? I'll throw a little quote back at you from when I was a kid: "I'm not a mind reader."

She deals with things like this at work in the same way, just keeps her mouth shut but does she EVER let out her concerns to people who have nothing to do with it. I guess I learned to deal with my problems that way too.

At least where I'm going in a couple of weeks, the people I'm staying with are laying out their expectations for me straightaway before I even get there. I have yet to know what those are, but I'm going to call them over the weekend (when they have time to talk) so that I can know. I'm starting to become more and more thankful and excited.

I think I get this way every time I'm about to move somewhere else: you get really really anxious to leave and move on, and an unfortunate side effect is that you can get really annoyed with the people you're sharing your current place with. Only one exception comes to mind: leaving my host family in Japan. I don't know if they felt the same, but I almost burst into tears after I shook my okaasan and obaachan's hands and walked through airport security.